Month: April 2020

ALONE?

Donna Hutcherson

“It is not good for the man to be alone“ –Genesis 2:18 NIV

Quarantine. How strange to find ourselves in this situation! Right now so many of all ages are ALONE in their home most of the day. If you live alone, you have to make a concerted effort to socialize, to hear a “live” person, not just a live TV show. How odd for us all, yet this is exactly the plight of many caregivers. They can be totally ALONE while bearing the entire responsibility of caring for a loved one. If the one receiving care cannot talk for whatever reason, or is not awake or coherent for hours on end, the ALONE-ness can be very wearing.

Presently, because we are “safer at home” at the suggestion of others, multitudes of individuals who normally plow through their days, often multitasking and seemingly thriving on busyness, are now faced with the prospect of negative consequences: boredom, sadness, depression, overindulging in food or drink, etc. Without a schedule to follow, or a schoolbell to signal movement, millions are realizing the depth to which they depend on others. We don’t really want to be endlessly alone. Rightfully so – we are social beings, designed to be relational.

In the years that I took care of my husband Dale, I often faced being alone for hours or days on end. The strokes immediately left him with aphasia, and for the first 4 months, communication was so difficult that we chose to tackle it only as needed. Hospital stays were particularly long periods for me being alone in the midst of much activity. And later our years at home had many months of just the two of us in the household, with only limited communication so as not to frustrate or discourage Dale.

From this experience, it became evident that my social health needed to be addressed just as definitively as my physical, mental and spiritual health. It became more obvious that our whole being is integrated and works together for positive or negative outcomes. Part of my responsibility as a caregiver was developing ways to positively address social needs.

This led me to several specific actions that may be of help to you. First, develop the practice of thankfulness each day, even keeping a daily journal listing three things for which you are thankful (also see Count Your Blessings post). Second, realize that happiness is a choice; I choose to look for it in all circumstances. Third, do something for someone else “The Lord Jesus himself said: ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’ ” (Acts 20:35) In hospitals/rehab there was always someone who needed a smile, a little conversation and compassion. When alone at home, I could reach out through text and email most easily or handwrite notes to mail. And, finally, since JOY is a fruit of the Holy Spirit, spend time in God’s presence. “In your presence is fullness of joy.”(Psalm 16:11) As I focused outwardly, I found many opportunities to be engaged with others even when confined and am so thankful for technology that allows us to connect so readily.

In time, social needs became important to Dale as well so adjustments were made to that end. This need for socialization is what I want to stress to caregivers and their families. My family and extended family and friends were instrumental in our social well-being, being carefully observant of our needs, and suggesting/encouraging ways to stay connected. It is wise to involve your entire support team to help with this and be willing to receive from others.

Holy Spirit, we need Your help to maintain social health in times of confinement. We turn to you for insights, ideas and creativity to show us the way. (John 14:16 NIV)

SONG LINK:
Diana Ross “Reach Out and Touch”
https://youtu.be/sZlWLH8SiF8

Sweet Sleep

Donna Hutcherson

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet” -Proverbs 3:24 NIV

Ah-h-h, sleep. To “sleep like a baby.” Take a good look at the picture above, taken during the flooding from Hurricane Harvey in 2017 – the rescuer and woman focused on the water risen above car’s headlights. But the baby…at complete rest! This is the rest we seek, what our bodies need, to put all things aside and give way to sleep. But how can we do that in the midst of life’s storms? As a caregiver?

Vital for good health, our bodies were created with the need for sleep. It’s SO much more than physical rest. Sleep is essential for brain health, healing and tissue repair, immune system health, cardiovascular health and blood pressure, as well as hormonal function, appetite and breathing. In addition the time that we sleep provides emotional down time, freedom from stress and a rest for our senses, all of utmost importance to caregivers.

Much research has gone into the study of sleep with hundreds of articles written on the body’s need for sleep and how to prepare yourself to sleep well. Yet insomnia is a common complaint and concern for many. From my personal struggles as a caregiver, I learned that I needed to consider TRUST.

The Gospels tell us Jesus loved the little children, saying that the “kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14), even telling His disciples that “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Strong words…requiring CHANGE. I came face to face with this premise as I cared for Dale’s needs…mainly during times of great trauma for us both. The greater the need, the greater my inability to handle it myself. And I was faced with GREAT need, “in over my head” as the saying goes. In those dark times, the example of a little child pointed me to the next step…requiring CHANGE. For me to become like a little child, as pictured above, I had to completely put my TRUST in something/Someone greater than me, who loved me enough to take care of me. Just imagine if that little child was fighting the mother, maybe climbing on the man or throwing themselves around – only adding to the rescue problem. My challenge became to “take my hands off” and practice taking each unsolvable problem, each heartbreaking concern, each unanswered question to God, mentally and verbally turning it over to His care, even envisioning the transfer into His capable hands.

When little children bring a parent something to fix, they leave the item/problem with the parent…and go back to their playing. They don’t tell the parent how to accomplish each step…because they don’t know how! If I am to be “as a little child”, I HAVE TO CHANGE MY PRACTICES, take my hands off the problems, and wait for direction. When the next step is evident, I can move on it; when that next step is to sleep, I can yield my mind and body to rest because I’ve already yielded to God the things for which I need answers.

It’s a simple concept, yet not often developed quickly. Our habits are strong and we have to consistently practice thinking like a little child in order to put ourselves in that place. Even if we’re awakened in the middle of the night, the practice is the same, sometimes needing to talk out loud as we give Him the concerns at hand. He IS the faithful One, waiting for us to cast our cares upon Him and promising peace in the midst of trials.

I am thankful for the practices developed in me during those years, carrying me past fear, through grief and on into life adjustments. My rest was always sufficient, even if it came at odd times. Sweet sleep is His promise; He is our Refreshing. (Psalm 19:7+)

Father, help us to come to you as little children, trusting you to take care of all that concerns us in the right timing, and to yield our mind and body to Your rest, that we may rise up refreshed to do the next right thing. (John 14:26-7 NIV)

SONG LINK:
Twila Paris “Do I Trust You?”
https://youtu.be/OE91UU464NU

Whole Body Health

Donna Hutcherson

“And Jesus grew in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man“ –Luke 2:52 NIV

Never has there been a time in our lives where the emphasis has been so strong on health. Contagions, hand washing, and compromised immune systems are a part of most conversations. For a caregiver, that has been the norm, the ever-present awareness of the health needs of our loved one or patient. If a caregiver also has a compromised immune system, the need is more than doubled. If the one needing care is highly impaired and totally dependent on the caregiver, health awareness peaks.

Humans are integrated beings, created in the image of God – divine design, as Dale used to teach. Psalm 139 reminds us that He formed our inward parts and has many precious thoughts toward us.

When Dale needed to be restored to total health and I needed to maintain my health in order to help him, it quickly became apparent that even with hospital care/help, I had to deal with health-sapping stress, overwhelming concerns, lack of good rest, etc. Since the Word notes that Jesus grew in four areas (His whole being), we implemented that Scriptural approach to health – considering our entire being, not just the area with damage or obvious need. With the advice and support of my family/counsel, we focused on: wisdom (mental), stature (physical), favor with God (spiritual) and favor with man (social).

I will detail each of the following areas in future posts, however I encourage you to address each of them as soon as possible…for your well-being:

  • sound sleep
  • best food choices
  • fresh air and sunshine
  • exercise/movement/touch
  • prayer and encouragement from the Word of God
  • music
  • humor

Holy Spirit, we need Your guidance to care for these bodies You created, no matter the circumstance we are in. Help us to discern what is best for our lives no matter the circumstance in which we find ourselves. (John 14:26-7 NIV)

SONG LINK:
Caleb & Kelsey “It is Well with My Soul”
https://youtu.be/VaxxtIxXKF0