Tag: caregiving

Romjul

Donna Hutcherson

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28 NKJV

In recent years I’ve learned the Danish term “hygge” and have great appreciation for creating coziness when the weather is not cozy. Although I’ve lived in SW Florida since I was ten, the snow belt of the NY Lake Ontario coast was the first coast I knew with it’s blizzards, snowdrifts and grey days; shaking off the cold as you welcome the warmth of the indoors. Creating and enjoying a warm atmosphere brings to mind fireplaces, candle glow, steaming mugs of hot drinks or soups, warm socks, reading books under piles of blankets – you get the idea.

This year I learned that in Norway, the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day is called “Romjul” – around Yule/Christmas. Consider it space to create and recreate after the holiday doings and before stepping into 2022, time to pause, reconsider, just chill and slow down enough to dream again and plan a little. I’ve settled into this space and let it reenergize me, adjust my focus and take time to allow a settling and reset before embarking on the new year with a fresh start.

We’re just a few hours away from 2022 yet most of us have a few hours of space this weekend to experience Romjul before truly embarking into the new year. I encourage you to find some space and settle in, breathe deeply. Then take a few moments to consider those around you, express your thankfulness (no matter if it can only be for the little things), give of yourself – your time, your attention, your love. Our lives can change in the timespan of a heartbeat, truly – one heartbeat. It happened to our family; we were totally turned upside down. What will rock your world? Maybe something already has and you’re reeling from it. In the midst of that life-storm, God knows; He’s “got this.” His plans for us do not end as we are hurt or suffer, as our bodies decline nor as they pass away, rather His plans for us extend into and throughout eternity. We’ve only just begun. You’ve likely heard, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”. Take a moment today to reflect on the gift of today and to be a gift by being “present” with those around you. It will be well worth your time.

Father, we cherish times of rest and reflection. Help us to open ourselves to receiving Your refreshing, Your rest, and the comfort from Holy Spirit, that we may be able to comfort those who are troubled. (2 Corinthians 1:4 NKJV)

SONG LINK:
John Williams “Hogwart’s Great Hall Compilation”

https://youtu.be/_v4cgUVBsi4

Hello, Goodbye 2021

Donna Hutcherson

‘To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven” -Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV

Although I have not posted an entry in 2021 until today, my desire to encourage caregivers resurfaced early this year as their needs again came front and center to my attention. Doors opened to compile a book of my caregiving journey and I became personally acquainted with a publisher who would assist me with the entire process. Praise God! Then the work started…and continues.

The book quickly became three books and the first is nearly finished. That being said, the caregiver’s need for immediate help is urgent and more individuals find themselves in need for answers/encouragement/support every day.

So, in closing out 2021, I share a list of practical ideas for those in a caregiving/co-survivor position. Even those who have long-term experience in care benefit from reminders/reviews as none of us can juggle all the plates without dropping some. Be encouraged…simplify and slow down. You only need the next step…then the next…and the next, one at a time. And breathe, pray, rest, repeat.

Excerpt from my forthcoming book:
There is SO much I wish I knew then. So I share a few practical helps now from what I’ve learned since, in no particular order, simply for you to consider as soon as possible. This is in no way medical advice, simply lessons learned from a caregiving life. And, of course, every situation and person is unique so you must consider what could work in your caregiving:

  • A traumatic brain injury, including stroke or concussion causes the brain to swell so any part that is affected by the event can provoke behavior, thinking and speech that is highly abnormal for that individual, but they personally are not likely to realize it at first.
  • Brain energy is quickly depleted due to much energy being used for the healing process.
  • Any type of stimulation can quickly become overwhelming, especially sight and light. We later learned from a vision therapist that 70% of brain energy is directed to sight and light…through the eyes. Therefore, a “brain break” with a blackout eye mask for 20 minutes or so gives the brain the best rest – no sight or light; quiet helps as well. Look for signs of anxiety or tiredness and take a brain break immediately. This can be done on a regular basis almost anytime in the hospital…and later in the car or at home. Keep a good eye mask with you everywhere and keep a watchful eye out for when a brain break is needed.
  • Consider how you would like to be treated if in this traumatic situation yourself. The reality can sometimes be that you would want those helping you to make the best possible decision when you are not able to, hard though that may be for you as a caregiver.
  • Kindness and consideration are always helpful.
  • Simplify decisions. Give choices of either/or, applesauce or yogurt, eggs or oatmeal, red or yellow; not “what do you want to eat?”
  • Take things slowly; pause when needed; take deep breaths and encourage them to as well.
  • PRESENCE is IMPORTANT, peaceful presence. Just being there, knowing someone cares and they are not alone is very calming and promotes healing. Anything anxiety-producing causes energy to be spent on the anxiety instead of on healing.
  • If touch is not painful or anxiety-producing, skin to skin contact can be a comfort: holding hands, touching the arm or leg, hand on the brow. Also consider cool or warm cloth on the forehead or eyes, brushing hair, lightly massaging hands/arms/legs/feet
  • Play familiar or calming music, music they like, and encourage singing or humming. Even humming stimulates the vagus nerve that works directly with the vital organs. Individuals can often hum or sing to some degree even if they can’t speak.
  • Consider beauty and order and how it can help with visual calming, especially in an unfamiliar place.
  • Bring printed copies/pictures of individual family members, favorite people and pets to display on a wall that they can see from their bed. If speech is impaired, put an identifying/relationship name under each photo so others in the room can converse about the pictures and relationships.
  • Speak life/truth/hope aloud. Positive statements or happenings. Laugh! Collect jokes and read them aloud. Watch funny videos or comedy routines, old or new.
  • Verbalize things you are thankful for and encourage them to do so. Every day. Consider keeping a thankfulness/gratitude journal – daily list just 3 things for which you can be thankful; that way you can review it with them anytime blessings need to be counted.
  • Give the gift of anticipation, something to look forward to: food from outside the hospital, phone call/FaceTime with a friend, going outisde on a sunny day, new pictures.
  • Prepare for rehab/restoration to be a marathon, not a 5K, as it takes time for the brain swelling to subside, for connections to be restored, and/or new neural pathways to form. But the brain is always changing…which always brings hope.

Father, You are the answer to our every need. You are THE Source of all. I trust you to lead us and show us all the next step. Remind us to lean in to hear Your voice, to quiet ourselves to be able to discern Truth, and to receive Your peace that passes our understanding, that we might have a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

SONG LINK:
The Byrds “Turn, Turn, Turn”

https://youtu.be/WB6jhbtDUZE

I need ANSWERS

Donna Hutcherson

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” -Isaiah 55:8-9 ESV

The only way in which we humans can fully function in a healthy manner under the extreme stress that a caregiver faces daily is by God’s guidance. And He graciously, lovingly shows us the way step by step. Our part is to slow down enough to listen for the answers, His answers.

It’s a matter of trust. I trust God – the Creator, Designer of our bodies and ALL-knowing God. We can trust in other people, in diagnoses, in theories, in any THING in the world, yet when those fail…then there is God. It certainly makes sense to go to Him first, but this will only become our habit as we practice doing so. Jesus/Yeshua IS the Answer – He not only has the answer, HE is the answer. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Yes, each answer we need will be there at the right time. It’s often not as fast as we’d like, especially in this culture of instant contact and getting whatever we want whenever we want it. And, God’s answers are often not what we want to hear or what we would think, however, He is God; we are not. When you’re looking for your next answer, listen, trust and obey, even in the simple things. Your answer will be there at the right time just as we need, one step at a time.

Excerpt from my Caring Bridge journal 10-04-14 “Only God knows the outcome and His presence, leading and wisdom have been evident to me. I am blessed that (when Dale had the massive stroke) he wasn’t driving, wasn’t alone, that our new insurance was in place, and that his complete medical history was updated that morning and was with us. I trust Him to lead my steps and will follow one step at a time.”

Lord, You who taught us to pray “Give us this day our daily bread”, I thank you in advance for Your answer to my need/s this day. (Matthew 9-13)

SONG LINK:
Evie “Give Them All to Jesus”
https://youtu.be/6k5DKcmKAwI

First Things First

Donna Hutcherson
His mercies are new every morning…

“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.” -Matthew 7:12 NIV

in considering options for my first post, the foundational aspect of caregiving became the obvious choice – treating others as you would like to be treated. I learned the Golden Rule at a young age, later understanding that it was taught by Jesus/Yeshua as a fundamental premise for all actions. Gratefully, as I worked in the business world for several decades, nearly each day gave me opportunities to practice making decisions based on this central Truth until it became my “go-to”, my natural response, the discipline of my thought life. As the bottom line for decision-making, this premise bring simplicity to complicated matters, puts personal emotion (and possible affronts) aside, and focuses on the response needed to move things forward.

Living by that principle, decisions became simpler, but not necessarily easier. Emotions surface quickly. Thankfully, by recognizing that God made us with emotions, I learned to trust Him to guide me through the hard times. I am a helper, NOT a nurse, not a medical mind. My husband Dale always had that perspective, knew the body well and taught about it with excellence (even enjoying cadaver work in college). I turn away from the sight of blood, even on TV. Although I grew up with 5 younger siblings, babysat for extra money, loved caring full-time for my own young children, and had the flexibility of schedule to help family and friends when they needed care, I was out of my element when faced with the life and death needs of my dear husband as he was incapacitated by a massive stroke event.

I needed help.

Thankfully, I had come to know God’s peace which became my mainstay from the very start of this new journey. I quickly realized that God had gone before me, preparing me in ways I couldn’t have planned myself – a new iPad dashboard holder helped with GPS needs when alone in a unfamiliar territory at 10PM to meet Dale’s medflight, personal experience in asking probing questions, and even having a copy of Dale’s baseline MRI with us (certainly not on my vacation packing list)! Recognizing these blessings in the first few hours after he stroked undergirded my confidence to make the next decision. Help arrived in timely fashion with knowledgeable and caring doctors, family/friends arriving to help, and the technology available to research needs via cell phone/internet.

But that was just the tip of an iceberg. I knew relatively nothing about stroke, brain trauma, neuro rehab, or how to handle insurance…or where to turn for help. Over the next four months, and then the next four years, that was my full-time job: caring for Dale and researching/learning everything that would benefit his recovery and well-being.

This blog is a result of what I’ve learned over those four years – things that were not readily accessible to me at the outset. I’ll post as regularly as I can in order to cover nearly a hundred topics as well as resources that will assist you as you search for answers. My prayer is that this life experience will help you now as you care for others – spouse, parent, child, loved one, friend, or client, and whether they are incapacitated, ill, addicted, depressed, or fallen on hard times. I pray blessings of peace and wisdom and strength and love and rest in the name of Jesus/Yeshua as you care for them.

Father, Your goodness amazes me, how you go before us and are always with us. Help me to live in that awareness, rest in Your love, listen for Your voice and discern Your answers. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

SONG LINK:
Twila Paris “God is in Control”
https://youtu.be/r6Eiv1r5UnE