Tag: trauma

Romjul

Donna Hutcherson

“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” -Matthew 11:28 NKJV

In recent years I’ve learned the Danish term “hygge” and have great appreciation for creating coziness when the weather is not cozy. Although I’ve lived in SW Florida since I was ten, the snow belt of the NY Lake Ontario coast was the first coast I knew with it’s blizzards, snowdrifts and grey days; shaking off the cold as you welcome the warmth of the indoors. Creating and enjoying a warm atmosphere brings to mind fireplaces, candle glow, steaming mugs of hot drinks or soups, warm socks, reading books under piles of blankets – you get the idea.

This year I learned that in Norway, the time between Christmas and New Year’s Day is called “Romjul” – around Yule/Christmas. Consider it space to create and recreate after the holiday doings and before stepping into 2022, time to pause, reconsider, just chill and slow down enough to dream again and plan a little. I’ve settled into this space and let it reenergize me, adjust my focus and take time to allow a settling and reset before embarking on the new year with a fresh start.

We’re just a few hours away from 2022 yet most of us have a few hours of space this weekend to experience Romjul before truly embarking into the new year. I encourage you to find some space and settle in, breathe deeply. Then take a few moments to consider those around you, express your thankfulness (no matter if it can only be for the little things), give of yourself – your time, your attention, your love. Our lives can change in the timespan of a heartbeat, truly – one heartbeat. It happened to our family; we were totally turned upside down. What will rock your world? Maybe something already has and you’re reeling from it. In the midst of that life-storm, God knows; He’s “got this.” His plans for us do not end as we are hurt or suffer, as our bodies decline nor as they pass away, rather His plans for us extend into and throughout eternity. We’ve only just begun. You’ve likely heard, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.”. Take a moment today to reflect on the gift of today and to be a gift by being “present” with those around you. It will be well worth your time.

Father, we cherish times of rest and reflection. Help us to open ourselves to receiving Your refreshing, Your rest, and the comfort from Holy Spirit, that we may be able to comfort those who are troubled. (2 Corinthians 1:4 NKJV)

SONG LINK:
John Williams “Hogwart’s Great Hall Compilation”

https://youtu.be/_v4cgUVBsi4

Hello, Goodbye 2021

Donna Hutcherson

‘To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven” -Ecclesiastes 3:1 NKJV

Although I have not posted an entry in 2021 until today, my desire to encourage caregivers resurfaced early this year as their needs again came front and center to my attention. Doors opened to compile a book of my caregiving journey and I became personally acquainted with a publisher who would assist me with the entire process. Praise God! Then the work started…and continues.

The book quickly became three books and the first is nearly finished. That being said, the caregiver’s need for immediate help is urgent and more individuals find themselves in need for answers/encouragement/support every day.

So, in closing out 2021, I share a list of practical ideas for those in a caregiving/co-survivor position. Even those who have long-term experience in care benefit from reminders/reviews as none of us can juggle all the plates without dropping some. Be encouraged…simplify and slow down. You only need the next step…then the next…and the next, one at a time. And breathe, pray, rest, repeat.

Excerpt from my forthcoming book:
There is SO much I wish I knew then. So I share a few practical helps now from what I’ve learned since, in no particular order, simply for you to consider as soon as possible. This is in no way medical advice, simply lessons learned from a caregiving life. And, of course, every situation and person is unique so you must consider what could work in your caregiving:

  • A traumatic brain injury, including stroke or concussion causes the brain to swell so any part that is affected by the event can provoke behavior, thinking and speech that is highly abnormal for that individual, but they personally are not likely to realize it at first.
  • Brain energy is quickly depleted due to much energy being used for the healing process.
  • Any type of stimulation can quickly become overwhelming, especially sight and light. We later learned from a vision therapist that 70% of brain energy is directed to sight and light…through the eyes. Therefore, a “brain break” with a blackout eye mask for 20 minutes or so gives the brain the best rest – no sight or light; quiet helps as well. Look for signs of anxiety or tiredness and take a brain break immediately. This can be done on a regular basis almost anytime in the hospital…and later in the car or at home. Keep a good eye mask with you everywhere and keep a watchful eye out for when a brain break is needed.
  • Consider how you would like to be treated if in this traumatic situation yourself. The reality can sometimes be that you would want those helping you to make the best possible decision when you are not able to, hard though that may be for you as a caregiver.
  • Kindness and consideration are always helpful.
  • Simplify decisions. Give choices of either/or, applesauce or yogurt, eggs or oatmeal, red or yellow; not “what do you want to eat?”
  • Take things slowly; pause when needed; take deep breaths and encourage them to as well.
  • PRESENCE is IMPORTANT, peaceful presence. Just being there, knowing someone cares and they are not alone is very calming and promotes healing. Anything anxiety-producing causes energy to be spent on the anxiety instead of on healing.
  • If touch is not painful or anxiety-producing, skin to skin contact can be a comfort: holding hands, touching the arm or leg, hand on the brow. Also consider cool or warm cloth on the forehead or eyes, brushing hair, lightly massaging hands/arms/legs/feet
  • Play familiar or calming music, music they like, and encourage singing or humming. Even humming stimulates the vagus nerve that works directly with the vital organs. Individuals can often hum or sing to some degree even if they can’t speak.
  • Consider beauty and order and how it can help with visual calming, especially in an unfamiliar place.
  • Bring printed copies/pictures of individual family members, favorite people and pets to display on a wall that they can see from their bed. If speech is impaired, put an identifying/relationship name under each photo so others in the room can converse about the pictures and relationships.
  • Speak life/truth/hope aloud. Positive statements or happenings. Laugh! Collect jokes and read them aloud. Watch funny videos or comedy routines, old or new.
  • Verbalize things you are thankful for and encourage them to do so. Every day. Consider keeping a thankfulness/gratitude journal – daily list just 3 things for which you can be thankful; that way you can review it with them anytime blessings need to be counted.
  • Give the gift of anticipation, something to look forward to: food from outside the hospital, phone call/FaceTime with a friend, going outisde on a sunny day, new pictures.
  • Prepare for rehab/restoration to be a marathon, not a 5K, as it takes time for the brain swelling to subside, for connections to be restored, and/or new neural pathways to form. But the brain is always changing…which always brings hope.

Father, You are the answer to our every need. You are THE Source of all. I trust you to lead us and show us all the next step. Remind us to lean in to hear Your voice, to quiet ourselves to be able to discern Truth, and to receive Your peace that passes our understanding, that we might have a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

SONG LINK:
The Byrds “Turn, Turn, Turn”

https://youtu.be/WB6jhbtDUZE

Life’s Surprises

Donna Hutcherson

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” -Isaiah 41:10 NIV

I LOVE lilacs! From the time I was a child in upstate New York, they have been a favorite flower…and a favorite scent. However, living in Florida since the age of ten, opportunities to enjoy them have been rare. One of my favorite surprises in the year after Dale passed was “happening upon” flowering lilac bushes in two completely different places, both far from home – Helsinki, Finland, and the mountains of Colorado. I was momentarily speechless, awestruck in both situations and felt SO lovingly cared for by my Heavenly Father who knows me completely to the depths of my being. Blessed!

Conversely, I’ve also experienced traumatic surprises that rocked my world, the most life-altering being Dale’s sudden massive stroke. Other unforeseen occasions involved me in the devastating situations of loved ones. Did God lovingly care for me then? Was I blessed? Hard questions…and I have to admit that in the moment my immediate reactions didn’t include feelings of being blessed and loved. Critical needs required quick action and set in motion urgent care and immediate decisions. The instant and automatic prayer I cried out was “Jesus!” and “Help!” Thankfully always near, He heard and He helped.

Eventually in the aftermath of crises, realization of those answered prayers surfaced in my mind. Jesus was right there in the midst with me; MY SITUATION WAS NO SURPRISE TO HIM. Help came in time for each next step. When I did find moments to reflect, to quiet myself and to draw near to God alone, the answers to those awful questions were YES.

Yes, God was lovingly caring for me then.

And, yes, I was blessed. I was still in the palm of His hand, His presence was nearer than my breath, and His Holy Spirit was guiding, leading and comforting me through every thought and decision.

The Word tells us in John 10: 1-5 that His sheep hear His voice and don’t listen to the voice of a stranger. I am grateful to have practiced listening to God’s voice for many years, decades in fact. Countless distracting voices clamor for our attention at every turn and we must practice recognizing the familiar voice of God in that same way we learn to recognize the voice of a loved one over the phone. I always need to hear His voice, but never more than when I am shaken to the core of my being with my face pressed against a wall of the unknown. Never more than in life’s surprises am I grateful for my Saviour, my Deliverer, the Lover of my Soul – Jesus, Yeshua, Messiah, Lord of all.

Father, without You we can do nothing, not even breathe. Thank you for upholding us in times of great trial. You comfort, lead, guide, refresh in the midst of traumatic surprises and bless us through your pleasant surprises, showing the depth of your love for us. I praise You for Your plans and for Your keeping power. (John 15:5 NKJV)

SONG LINK:
Ryan Stevenson “The Eye of the Storm”
https://youtu.be/-sx8wTnnfSc

Sweet Sleep

Donna Hutcherson

“When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet” -Proverbs 3:24 NIV

Ah-h-h, sleep. To “sleep like a baby.” Take a good look at the picture above, taken during the flooding from Hurricane Harvey in 2017 – the rescuer and woman focused on the water risen above car’s headlights. But the baby…at complete rest! This is the rest we seek, what our bodies need, to put all things aside and give way to sleep. But how can we do that in the midst of life’s storms? As a caregiver?

Vital for good health, our bodies were created with the need for sleep. It’s SO much more than physical rest. Sleep is essential for brain health, healing and tissue repair, immune system health, cardiovascular health and blood pressure, as well as hormonal function, appetite and breathing. In addition the time that we sleep provides emotional down time, freedom from stress and a rest for our senses, all of utmost importance to caregivers.

Much research has gone into the study of sleep with hundreds of articles written on the body’s need for sleep and how to prepare yourself to sleep well. Yet insomnia is a common complaint and concern for many. From my personal struggles as a caregiver, I learned that I needed to consider TRUST.

The Gospels tell us Jesus loved the little children, saying that the “kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these” (Matthew 19:14), even telling His disciples that “unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.” Strong words…requiring CHANGE. I came face to face with this premise as I cared for Dale’s needs…mainly during times of great trauma for us both. The greater the need, the greater my inability to handle it myself. And I was faced with GREAT need, “in over my head” as the saying goes. In those dark times, the example of a little child pointed me to the next step…requiring CHANGE. For me to become like a little child, as pictured above, I had to completely put my TRUST in something/Someone greater than me, who loved me enough to take care of me. Just imagine if that little child was fighting the mother, maybe climbing on the man or throwing themselves around – only adding to the rescue problem. My challenge became to “take my hands off” and practice taking each unsolvable problem, each heartbreaking concern, each unanswered question to God, mentally and verbally turning it over to His care, even envisioning the transfer into His capable hands.

When little children bring a parent something to fix, they leave the item/problem with the parent…and go back to their playing. They don’t tell the parent how to accomplish each step…because they don’t know how! If I am to be “as a little child”, I HAVE TO CHANGE MY PRACTICES, take my hands off the problems, and wait for direction. When the next step is evident, I can move on it; when that next step is to sleep, I can yield my mind and body to rest because I’ve already yielded to God the things for which I need answers.

It’s a simple concept, yet not often developed quickly. Our habits are strong and we have to consistently practice thinking like a little child in order to put ourselves in that place. Even if we’re awakened in the middle of the night, the practice is the same, sometimes needing to talk out loud as we give Him the concerns at hand. He IS the faithful One, waiting for us to cast our cares upon Him and promising peace in the midst of trials.

I am thankful for the practices developed in me during those years, carrying me past fear, through grief and on into life adjustments. My rest was always sufficient, even if it came at odd times. Sweet sleep is His promise; He is our Refreshing. (Psalm 19:7+)

Father, help us to come to you as little children, trusting you to take care of all that concerns us in the right timing, and to yield our mind and body to Your rest, that we may rise up refreshed to do the next right thing. (John 14:26-7 NIV)

SONG LINK:
Twila Paris “Do I Trust You?”
https://youtu.be/OE91UU464NU